Holy Shit…

•October 22, 2010 • Leave a Comment

It’s been THAT fucking long since I’ve posted on here? I mean no one looks at this shit but damn. Well I promise I will rectify that… I would try a review but the last movie I saw was The Social Network… And I fucking hated it… However, I was with someone so I will admit my attention may not have been where it was supposed to be (It wasn’t like THAT!)… In the next few days, I will try to review Red if time permits. Also, I’m planning on reviewing WWE Bragging Rights, Saw VI, and Due Date in the coming weeks so stay tuned (although no fucking one is reading this). AND if anyone wants to blog on this site and help bring some life to it, sign-up (if you haven’t already already), and drop me a line. I really don’t give a shit what you want to talk about just as long as it’s not fucking stupid. Alrighty Then… Fuck Off…

Signed,

“Black Future”

Advertisements

In an elevator with the runs…

•July 18, 2010 • Leave a Comment

It’s obviously fake… but that doesn’t mean that it’s not funny…

Predators Review

•July 18, 2010 • Leave a Comment

Since this is my first movie review, I will explain how things go down here. First, I will post a spoiler of the movie. Then you will get a review, random thoughts, and some movie quote-ables all from this wonderful little cranium of mine. So let’s kick this sumbitch off shall we?

Was Fear Reborn?

SPOILER ALERT! SPOILER ALERT! SPOILER ALERT! SPOILER ALERT! :

So when the film starts, we are treated to an unconscious Royce (Adrian Brody) falling from the sky. Cue the “Predators” title card. After his parachute-assisted, tree branch smacking decent to the ground is complete, we find out that he is not alone. He meets his fr-enemies: Cuchillo (Danny Trejo), the trigger happy Nikolai (former MMA star Oleg Taktarov), Isabelle (Alice Braga), RUF Officer Mombasa (Mahershalalhashbaz Ali), Death Row Inmate Stans (Walton Goggins), Yakuza Member Hanzo (Louis Ozawa Changchien) and last but not least the punk ass of the film (or so we thought…) Dr. Edwin (That 70’s Show star Topher Grace). Of course, none of them know where the hell they are and all claim to have seen a mysterious “white light” before waking up while falling out of the sky. They decide that it’s best to stick together and Royce assumes the role of “leader.” They randomly chose a direction to walk in and find themselves running into cages (whose previous contents are unknown), booby traps, poisonous goo-dripping plants (which Edwin keeps a sample of) and a murdered Green Beret. During a brief stop, Royce notices that all over them have something in common except for Edwin, they are all top-rated killers in their professions. He also deduces that the are not on Earth due to the fact that the Sun had not been moving since they had arrived.

While walking, they encounter some very angry carnivorous four-legged creatures (for future reference, lets just call ’em dogs). The gang manages to kill most of them and the rest just oddly, yet reluctantly, back away. Royce concludes that they are being hunted and they should hunt their hunter. But wait, there were 8 and now there are 7. Cuchillo is found some yards away eerily repeating the words “Help Me, Help Me.” Some members of the uneasy click want to help them but Mombasa stops them, warning them that it is a trap similar to ones that he has used before. Feeling sorry for him, Isabelle wants to put Cuchillo out of his misery and shoots him. But after taking the shot he is still talking. We are shown that he was already dead and his voice was simply mimicked. Creeped out, she runs and we are introduced to the familiar thermal infrared vision of our favorite dread-headed alien.

Pic from IGN.com

After following the tracks of the dogs, the gang runs into a Predator camp. They find a smaller Predator tied to and tree startle him, causing him to alarm the camp insanely big Predators that captured him. The big Predators invade and kill Mombasa while the rest of the gang escapes. The gang runs into a survivor named Noland (Laurence Fishburne), a clearly unbalanced gentleman with split personality disorder, who claims to have been on the planet for 10 seasons, surviving by saving and scavenging for what he could when he could. Noland has also found a small building to take shelter in that he invites the gang to so they can rest. He explains that there is a war (or blood feud) going on between the smaller, original Predators (from Arnold Schwarzenegger’s 1987 Predator) and this newer, bigger version of the alien. While the gang is resting, Royce tells Isabelle he wants to try and make a deal with the captured Predator at the camp to help them get to a spaceship that will get the gang off of the planet. Noland (arguing with his other personality) tries to murder them by smoke inhalation while they were resting. Royce offsets this by making noise which draws the big Predators to them. They manage to kill Noland, Hanzo, and Stans. Nikolai sacrifices himself to let the others get away.

The group has now been narrowed down to 3: Edwin, Royce, and Isabelle. As they are running, Edwin falls into a a foothold trap. Royce declares that Edwin is now dead weight and that he and Isabelle should leave him. She refuses and stays with him while Royce leaves for the Predator. Edwin and Isabelle are captured by the last “new generation” Predator. After Royce makes his deal with the hesitant original Predator, they head for the ship. While on their way to the ship, the Predators fight. The bigger one wins and subsequently destroys the spaceship. We cut back to Edwin and Isabelle as they seem to accept their fate. Just then, Edwin scratches Isabelle with some of the poisonous goo he had kept and reveals himself as a psychopathic murderer and not a doctor like he had originally stated. When Edwin sees Royce, he attempts to do the same to him but fails. Royce uses Edwin’s body to set a trap for the Predator. After a brief altercation, Royce happens to decapitate the alien. The film advances a few hours as Royce and Isabelle see more prey being parachuted down just like they were the day before. Royce states that they have to find a way off of the planet as the movie ends. (No shit, bro…)

SPOILER END! SPOILER END! SPOILER END! SPOILER END!

So I can say that after viewing this movie, I left the theater satisfied and had a fun time watching it. However, the movie was nowhere near perfect and it had its parts where it was just downright predictable. Case in point, there is a part right after the group meets Noland where we get the often overused “wait?” *long dramatic pause* “who are you?” *long dramatic pause* line. Also, I just couldn’t get into the idea of Adrian Brody being the lead in this film. I think he would have been much better in a supporting role. It’s because of his size (I also didn’t like the annoying raspy Christian Bale/Batman thing he did with his voice, but I digress…). He looks like a pre-teen which is why it’s so damn funny when he just assumes control over the whole group of bigger and seemingly more violent mercenaries and they just run with it. Why is he the unquestioned leader when he (like the others) doesn’t know shit about where they are or what they are even facing? I personally don’t like horror films where the lead actor is unafraid of whatever he/she is facing. It’s one thing to stand up to your opponent but If the film is supposed to illicit fear, everyone needs to show fear at all times. I also didn’t like the little subtle stereotypes that this film displayed with its minority characters. In the beginning, Cuchillo was like a savage, Mombasa had the role of the reluctant yet deadly African male, and Hanzo is the silent Asian gang member who everyone assumes doesn’t know English and wields a sword like a samurai.

The saving grace of this film was that visually it was so fun to watch. Stans absolutely stole the show in this one. I nearly died of laughter where he revealed his tattoo of… Damn, I can’t spoil it. And I think that the sudden plot twist involving… Damn, I can’t spoil that either. Well, Noland was funny when he… You know what? Just go watch the damn movie…

” You know, when I get back home, I’m gonna do so much fucking cocaine… and I’m gonna rape so many fine bitches. I’m gonna be like, ‘What time it is? 5 o’clock? Damn… time to go rape some fine bitches.’ You know what I mean?” – Stans

“Oh yeah, totally. 5 o’clock…bitch raping time.” – Edwin

So this was my first review. I know it is lacking but I will get better (It’s only my first post). I’ll be back later with a review of the WWE pay-per-view Money in the Bank.

Signed,

“Black Future”

1st post… how exciting…

•July 18, 2010 • Leave a Comment

So I really don’t know what the hell to say in my 1st post. Most people who know me know that I’m never short on words so this is somewhat surprising… Anyways welcome to my blog (with the extremely apathetic title) “Do You Know About Our Black Future?”. This site is all about nothing. Here, I will post reviews (don’t worry, I’ll give spoiler warnings for those of you who don’t like having your stories spoiled like me) and blogs (with the uber-fucking awesome title of “Dark Omens”) on just about anything I feel like talking about with subjects ranging from music to TV to the ever dreaded love. This site will be my soapbox to say what I feel like saying. I warn you, the things I say are not for those who are easily offended by…well, anything. I love using all of my colorful, word-enhancing, expletives such as bitch, shit, cunt, and last but certainly not least, the word fuck. Hopefully, you will be able to get the fuck over yourself in order to enjoy yourself while laughing at my harsh criticisms, pessimistic statements, and my constant bitching about the misfortunes that I am fortunate to have (oxymorons FTW, bitches). I know that this site will not be a big hit overnite (Shit, I doubt that it will be a hit at all), but I hope that you readers (I haven’t come up with a gimmicky name for you motherfuckers yet… and aren’t you tired of seeing me type in parenthesis like this? I know I am…) enjoy yourselves.

Signed,

“Black Future”